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One Liners Ambition in America is still rewarded . . . with high taxes. It's hard to believe America was founded to avoid high taxation. Drive carefully. Uncle Sam needs every taxpayer he can get. There is no child so bad that he/she can't be used as an income tax deduction. The rich and the poor are alike. They both complain about taxes. A fool and his money are soon parted. The rest of us wait until income tax time. Everybody works for the government, either on the payroll or the taxroll. The income tax forms have been simplified beyond all understanding. Loafing is the only way to beat the income tax. When making out your income-tax report, be sure you don't overlook your most expensive dependent - the government. If you think you can keep everything to yourself, . . . the IRS doesn't. Patriotism will probably never develop to the point of parading in honor of the "unknown taxpayer." A politician is a man who never met a tax he didn't try to hike. After all is said and done, the politicians say it and the taxpayers do it. Regardless of who wins the election they have to raise taxes to pay for the damage. The best things in life are free - plus tax, of course. Blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the earth - less 40 percent inheritance tax. A dime is a dollar with all the various taxes deducted. Our beloved country has made remarkable progress. Now politicians have arranged to spend taxes before they collect them. A political promise today means another tax tomorrow. We may need tax reform, but it seems we need a lot of spending reform too. In Russia the people have only what the government gives them; in America the people have only what the government does not take away from them in taxes. An American can consider himself a success when it costs him more to support the government than to support a family. Is there any human activity that isn't tax licensed, regulated, or restricted? Stay on your job and pay your taxes promptly. Thousands of workers in the government bureaus are counting on you. You really can't beat the game. If you earn anything, it's minus taxes. If you buy anything it's plus taxes. Next year will be the year they lower taxes . . . it always is. A "slight tax increase" costs you about $300, while a "substantial tax cut" lowers your taxes by about $30. A politician will consider every way of reducing taxes except cutting expenses.
Funny (and maybe not so funny) Tax Quotes
"An economy constrained by high tax
rates will never produce enough revenue to balance the budget, just as
it will never create enough jobs."
"Government's view of the economy could
be summed up in a few short phrases: if it moves, tax it. If it
keeps moving, regulate it. If it stops moving, subsidize it."
"Blessed are the young, for they shall
inherit the national debt."
"In case you didn't know, ethanol is made by
mixing corn with your tax dollars."
"Where there is an income tax, the just man
will pay more and the unjust less on the same amount of income."
"Few
of us test our powers of deduction, except when filling out an income
tax form."
"Like mothers, taxes are often misunderstood,
but seldom forgotten."
"No government can exist without taxation.
This money must necessarily be levied on the people; and the grand art
consists of levying so as not to oppress."
"Rich bachelors should be heavily taxed.
It is not fair that some men should be happier than others."
"The difference between tax avoidance and tax
evasion is the thickness of a prison wall."
"Next to being shot at and missed, nothing is
quite as satisfying as an income tax refund."
"The only thing that hurts more than paying
an income tax is not having to pay an income tax."
"We don't have a trillion-dollar debt because
we haven't taxed enough; we have a trillion-dollar debt because we
spend too much."
"It is said that our taxation system is a
voluntary one. Do you remember when you volunteered?"
"If our forefathers revolted against taxation
“without representation” think what they would do today “with
representation!"
Feeling Taxed Enough?
This list is actually pretty old and woefully incomplete now! Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago, and our nation was the most prosperous in the world. We had absolutely no national debt, had the largest middle class in the world, and Mom stayed home to raise the kids. What happened?
Our Tax System Explained: Bar Stool Economics. Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to $100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this:
So, that's what they decided to do. The ten men drank in the bar every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve. 'Since you are all such good customers,' he said, 'I'm going to reduce the cost of your daily beer by $20.' Drinks for the ten now cost just $80. The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes so the first four men were unaffected. They would still drink for free. But what about the other six men - the paying customers? How could they divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his 'fair share?' They realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody's share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer. So, the bar owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man's bill by roughly the same amount, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay. And so:
Each of the six was better off than before. And the first four continued to drink for free. But once outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings. “I only got a dollar out of the $20,'declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth man, but he got $10!” “Yeah, that's right,' exclaimed the fifth man. I only saved a dollar, too.” “It's unfair that he got ten times more than I got. That's true!!” shouted the seventh man. Why should he get $10 back when I got only two?” The wealthy get all the breaks!” “Wait a minute, yelled the first four men in unison. We didn't get anything at all. The system exploits the poor!” The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up. The next night the tenth man didn't show up for drinks so the nine sat down and had beers without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important. They didn't have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill! And that, ladies and gentlemen, journalists and college professors, is how our tax system works. The people who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up anymore. In fact, they might start drinking overseas where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier. David R. Kamerschen, Ph.D.
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